nov, 12. [yr. unknown]

School was a drag, just like it has been everyday for the past..well..for a while now. i began to walk home, stalling as much as i could. i realized on that slow walk home how dreary another winter would be without him. How long has it been sense i've seen him anyway? Maybe.. about.. two n half years now, possibly a little more?
funny thing is, I probably wouldn't recognize him even if he was sitting right infront of me. whatever hes gone, the sooner I process that the better. But I cant say I’ll ever forget how it felt wen he put his hand on mine, or wen we would sit and he'd sang little melodies in my ear.
We began as just best friends, we used to be together every minute of every day. We’d stay up late watching movies or talking. I'd get so tired sometimes that I'd cuddle up next to him and fall sleep, and he would never leave me there and go home either. He would lay there all night long just to make sure I was safe. He was like the big brother I never had, but unlike a brother little things he did set off fireworks in the hallow of my stomach. If only there was another guy that made me feel that way, I’d snatch him up in a minute. for some reason whenever I look at a cute guy, Who's so obviously interested in me, I think "will he be like Ryan?" I'm always searching for him in their eyes or their smiles. I'm always looking a trace of him anywhere I can find one. I could kill him for leaving his curse on me like he has. i'm tired of waiting. the small glint of hope i posses is fading. am i getting over him.... or am i finally trying to forget him?